Friday, November 13, 2009

The Liberal Soldier: Iraqi Heartbreakers

Okay, so my last post catching yall up. This is a bit old, as I came home about six months ago (a little more than that, really), but I suppose yall want to be caught up.

Well I did my service in Camp Bucca Iraq for about a year, after a very intensive train-up at Fort Dix, NJ. Fort Dix was actually a decent place to be stationed, but for the most of the time we were there, we were at the FOB, which is a training ground used to prepare us to go to Iraq. I can still remember vividly, the training that we underwent, and standing outside talking on the phone to my ex-fiance, despite frigid temperatures.

We ended our stay at Dix right before St Patrick's day, and we were given a chance to fly home for a four day liberty. I made my way home as quickly as I could and spent four wonderful days with my fiance, and saw my family before I would leave for Iraq. These are some of the fondest memories I so far have in my young life, and I'm disappointed to say, probably the best memories I will ever have, considering the way things are going right now.

I arrived back at Ft Dix and prepared to leave for Iraq. However, unlike the rest of my unit I was tasked to stay with some of the Unit's equipment for an extra two weeks, because it had to be guarded by someone. I will admit, I honestly think spending an extra two weeks in Ft Dix Garrison, I must've gained 10 pounds. I ate a bit more than I had during train-up, as I only had time really. We went to see movies, we tried to sneak into an air force DFac, in general, it wasn't a bad experience.

We flew to Kuwait, which gave me the awesome chance to stop-over in Spain, before heading all the way to Kuwait. We stayed in Camp Buehring for about a week, before we headed north, to Iraq. In Buehring, despite what other soldiers say, there is alot to do. They have a three MWR tents, a movie theator tent, a 24-hour dfac, and a big PX. So its pretty easy to get what you need to occupy yourself whether your goin for free, or on a budget.

Once in Iraq though, my days melted all into one long workday. Day after day went by, and all I did was count down untill leave arrived. I was actually doing quite well, I was saving money for a business I was going to open, I had started taking online classes and succeeded in passing them, and whatever was asked of me in terms of work, I did with no complaint and to standard, although I was struggling with Physical Training at that point. My friends and I had some great experiences, and we came up with some interesting ideas. There were some tough times, a few attacks at the begginning and a few other events, but things died down near the summer, and I was waiting for leave.

I had waited until near the end of the deployment to take my leave. I would rather come back to the deployment with as few months left as possible. And I was so excited to finally get home. However, this joy and elation lasted a grand total of four days. After having helped my ex-fiance with money every month so she wouldn't be so stressed, I even gave her money so she could go on two trips, and a grand to buy books and a laptop. When your together with someone, you think of it as a partnership, and you can't even imagine that they would betray you. So for me this was natural. I wasn't giving her money, I was investing money in our future together. Either way, four days into my leave, I'm not sure why, and still have no clue as to what led her to this, but she dumped me. Ironically, she did this approximately four days before I was going to propose to her at the Georgia Aquarium. Needless to say, the rest of my leave sucked.

I wasn't happy to return to Iraq, I wouldn't have been happy if I had stayed home either. I remember that she didn't even bother to call me the day I was going back. We kept communicating through til the end of the month, before a huge argument. I was just amazed at how callous she was, that she could go from loving me to not loving me in a day it seemed. And within the week, it seemed like she really didn't care whether I lived or died.

I continued to do my duty, as it was all that I had left for those final few months, but my spending habits got way out of control. I think this was a slight fore-shadowing of what was to come. But thanks to whatever grace may be watching out for me, I made it home safely. When I first got home, I did contact her. This lasted for about a month, before I finally severed all ties, nearly completely.

However, after coming home, I struggle with the motivation to do things. Im now in a bit of a state of depression, and I came home and associated with the wrong people. For the first two months, I drank, and drank...and drank. My spending recovered a tiny bit, but I certainly would've been better off had I not been an idiot in my last two months overseas. I continued in my little spiral of negativity, which finally came to an abrupt end, almost exactly six months after my fiance had broken it up with me. This end was an arrest, and a charge for possession of marijuana, misdemeanor. I'm not a big drug user, and the only reason I had it is because this gir I was going out with at the time smoked, and so I sorta got caught up in that. However, I made the conscious decision to clean up my act.

Since that time, my life has had its ups and downs. Over the summer I was back in School, however, this didn't last long as there was a processing error at the VA when I tried to return for this fall. However, I then took it upon myself to fill my court order, except for Community Service, which I'm hoping to fulfill in the next three weeks (forty hours in three weeks, not impossible, but certainly hard).

After I get my court order handled, I think I will finally be able to return to normalcy. While I do take responsibility for my own actions, it is very easy to point out that a more direct cause of my "wild behavior" was the breakup. And from it I've learned an incredible lesson that can't be reproduced. I will never again love or trust a female to the degree that I loved and trusted before this. There were so many different ways she could have handled the situation, but she didn't try any of them. I can now look back, and say, we both had our problems, but the selfish way with which she handled me...there is a special place for people like that. As of now, I don't communicate with her. I dont wish anything for her, good or ill. I wouldn't even want her to come back to me begging or anything. Given how badly she messed my life up, I can prevent that, but not letting it happen again.

Thanks for listening.


1 comment:

  1. Dude, the first thing you have to understand is....this story could have been written in 1776, 1864, 1917, 1944, 1966, or today.
    When I came home from my "Real Army" days, my girlfriend had just stopped writting me 2 weeks before I was gettting out. I just assumed she didn't want the letters passing me when I was flying home. (we didn't have e-mail in those days.)
    When I got home, I drove an hour to see her at the college she was going to. She told me she fell in love with somebody else.
    I told her that was I wouldn't have to drive so fuc-ing far to see her.
    She got mad.
    I left and never saw her again.
    Drive on. (That was our old Unit motto) so I did.
    I went to college myself, got into a good job, and I've been very well off...and that bitch has been divorced 3 times.
    So I ask: Who came out better.
    What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
    One girl should be wiped from your memory bank.